Less than 24 hours after I had posted the Bartender BJ story in my Diary
on TSS, I heard from Mr. X (and yes, it would have been a surprise … had he not
been so textbook-style predictable).
After standing me up last Saturday and not a peep since (no email, no
sms, no phone call – Nada!), he popped up as nonchalant as can be (Ha ha dude!
You are SO hoping to play “Bartender Bring Me A Martini” with me now, aren’t
you?), as if last Saturday never happened … well, it didn’t actually happen. Nothing happened! Hmmm, I am
getting a little confused here … I dunno quite how to phrase that ...
Anyway, he texts me this (I still cannot believe his gall!):
"Hey you how ya doing sorry I’ve been so quiet
... What you been up to?”
Seriously? I mean … SERIOUSLY?!! What have I been up to?
You have got to be kidding me!
But I guess I was still just way too enamoured or still caught up in my
fantasy about my first online hook-up sex being with the first guy I met and it
staying that way – wood ... trees – and therefore
didn’t take the logical step back, breathe, and ignore it for a day or two – if
not indefinitely.
I should have just replied exactly what I was thinking (“Seriously?”)
But instead I played all sweet and coy.
Me: "Back to play more games with me
babe? "
Mr. X:
"Lol ... No ... And I'm sorry for
messing you around on the weekend ... Will make it up to you."
Me:
"Oh promises ... promises ... "
Mr. X:
"Hehehe ... Will make it up to you
however you like!"
“Play it cool now. You have him exactly where you want him,” I hear you
say.
Oh dear. In a word: “No”. I SO fucked this one up.
“How badly?” you ask. Well, just think: “Brian Lima’s rugby tackle on Derek Hougard in the 2002 World Cup Badly”… yup. That badly!
So here goes. This is what I wrote back:
"Well, I have no claim over you whatsoever so
I am hardly going to demand an explanation for Saturday ... whatever babe ...
You know where I am ... "
Like I said: bad! But I just couldn’t fake the sang-froid attitude one
second longer ....
(What’s that I hear? … Hell … Fury … Woman Scorned … ?)
Oh well, I so paid for it. Because what followed was … a whole lot of
nothing - pure silence. And then a longer silence (one hour) until I couldn't
bear it any longer and tried to explain ...
(Please wince now and get it over with. No. What follows is not pretty …
what can I say? Yes, I still have a lot to learn in the rules of NSA!):
"Sorry ... I am just freaking out a bit. A
friend just chewed me out for doing this (even though he's gay and he does it!)
and I realized what a stupid position I put myself in. I mean I read the safety
rules / advice on this site today and realized that I didn't follow one single
one of them with you ... Then Saturday mind fuck coupled with the fact that you
know EVERYTHING about me ... Yes, my naivety in hindsight blows me away
sometimes .... ... and am kinda saturated by this all ... Its
actually NOT a whole lot less effort than going out, getting wasted and picking
up a random guy ... Quite the reverse actually! LOl ... Serves me right, I
guess "
The subsequent silence from his side spoke volumes.
Shoulda followed that coquetry trick I learned
yesterday.
… Coulda, shoulda, woulda!
"Da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo"
("Lord, grant me chastity and continence, but not yet")
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