A very educational conversation I had with Shrek about The Glorious South:
Me: I have a question. Care to enlighten me? If a certain gentleman (yes, I use the term very loosely) asks for a picture of – you know – The Glorious South, well how do I say "Hell no!" in a subtle way? Or is this a completely normal request? And if so, seriously?
Shrek: Hey girl. As to photos of the porno kind: they are pretty much standard nowadays. Remember that guys are totally visual creatures, and given the fact that girls can look like anything from a delicate "Lady Di Orchid" to the "Greater Bornean Venus Fly-Trap", known not only for its fleshy coral lips but also its pungent smell, many men prefer to have something a little more substantial to look forward to, or to wank over ...... Just ensure that your face and fanny don't appear in the same frame and you are unlikely to receive a cheque in the mail from the amateur porn section of "Naughty Neighbours" Christmas 2011 edition. Also note that he is likely to be flashing his shots of your fanny around to mates if you have no relationship or just the odd shag – only mothers, daughters, serious girlfriends and wives are sacred, unless of course you are Indian! Bottom line – it can be a lot of fun as long as it is mutually beneficial to the both of you, with the added bonus of really defining the relationship as a sexual one primarily. And you can always deny it belongs to you.
Me: Thanks babe. Very informative mail to say the least. Btw, talking of photos, discretion is the key word, right? (I just had a freaky image of you pulling out your iPhone tonight after a couple of drinks and showing your mates such photos). Although I suppose us ladies - and again, I use the term very loosely - are pretty much free game once we have sent you guys photos, right?
Shrek: At 42 years old, I would probably lose a lot of friends if I spent my time flashing fanny pics of random girls around the bar to my mates. Not exactly a very mature thing to be doing now, is it? If I was 24 however – you could be guaranteed that the whole of varsity would know exactly what your nibbly bits looked like within the day! Be careful what you wish for though, you may get a pic of the ugliest dick on the planet back - put you off penises for months .... Bit of a minefield, this topic ......
Me: Point taken. And for the record, I’m good, thanks. Don't have this insatiable urge to see every guy's tackle, funny as that may seem ...
Me: I have a question. Care to enlighten me? If a certain gentleman (yes, I use the term very loosely) asks for a picture of – you know – The Glorious South, well how do I say "Hell no!" in a subtle way? Or is this a completely normal request? And if so, seriously?
Shrek: Hey girl. As to photos of the porno kind: they are pretty much standard nowadays. Remember that guys are totally visual creatures, and given the fact that girls can look like anything from a delicate "Lady Di Orchid" to the "Greater Bornean Venus Fly-Trap", known not only for its fleshy coral lips but also its pungent smell, many men prefer to have something a little more substantial to look forward to, or to wank over ...... Just ensure that your face and fanny don't appear in the same frame and you are unlikely to receive a cheque in the mail from the amateur porn section of "Naughty Neighbours" Christmas 2011 edition. Also note that he is likely to be flashing his shots of your fanny around to mates if you have no relationship or just the odd shag – only mothers, daughters, serious girlfriends and wives are sacred, unless of course you are Indian! Bottom line – it can be a lot of fun as long as it is mutually beneficial to the both of you, with the added bonus of really defining the relationship as a sexual one primarily. And you can always deny it belongs to you.
Me: Thanks babe. Very informative mail to say the least. Btw, talking of photos, discretion is the key word, right? (I just had a freaky image of you pulling out your iPhone tonight after a couple of drinks and showing your mates such photos). Although I suppose us ladies - and again, I use the term very loosely - are pretty much free game once we have sent you guys photos, right?
Shrek: At 42 years old, I would probably lose a lot of friends if I spent my time flashing fanny pics of random girls around the bar to my mates. Not exactly a very mature thing to be doing now, is it? If I was 24 however – you could be guaranteed that the whole of varsity would know exactly what your nibbly bits looked like within the day! Be careful what you wish for though, you may get a pic of the ugliest dick on the planet back - put you off penises for months .... Bit of a minefield, this topic ......
Me: Point taken. And for the record, I’m good, thanks. Don't have this insatiable urge to see every guy's tackle, funny as that may seem ...
