It will chew you up and spit you out like an old chappie

I am sitting here listening to The Doors and Jim is singing:

 

"People are strange when you're a stranger

Faces look ugly when you're alone

Women seem wicked when you're unwanted

Streets are uneven when you're down

 ..."

Given the amount of drugs he took, he had some incredible moments of lucidity. 

And the soundtrack to my evening is rather apt considering that this website (TSS) is getting stranger and stranger (if that's possible).

I looked at Sean’s profile. Under his status, he has put "Unhappily Married" 

Ha ha. Serves you right, dude. Make your bed and all that. I don’t get these guys. Ever heard of divorce or maybe looking before you leap? Or therapy? Hell, just skip straight to sex therapy. Something - anything, please! Just don't expect ME to feel sorry for you and pick up your wife's sloppy seconds! (And btw, if you are unhappy, I can only imagine how she is feeling! And I know where my sympathy lies - with her, the wife of a philandering twit with no backbone - or morals for that matter.)

But then it gets weird. His pictures look kind of normal and then under 'Height' - wait for it: Below 5' (153 cm or less). Beyond weird. 

And as if his profile wasn’t strange enough, he throws this in after - of course - stating how hot he is:  

"Once had sex in a clothing store change room."

Umm, non sequitur anyone? Or am I just thinking too much again? 

Question for the evening: why is everyone so hooked on BBM numbers and Whatsapp?

Daniel from Sandton must have a VERY long tongue because he promised to: 

'lick it, suck it, kiss it, muff it and eat all of you, kiss you from the head to the toes'

...  After I give him my bbm code/no. or whatsapp name, of course.

Daniel. I don't have either. I like to control my intake off the Net. No BBM. No whattsap. And I am not about to run out and get either. I am quite frankly having enough trouble figuring out this stupid new iPad I just got.

But at least he was a little more forthcoming than Bon from Durban: 

"What will u like in a man?"

Anyone want to explain modal verbs to Bon? 

Or maybe he's French. In which case, isn't it a bit conceited to call yourself 'Good". 

But better I suppose than 'Chunky' from PMB .... eeeeww! The mental images that brings up!

Or Piet from Pretoria. All of 3 words: 

'You look nise.' 

Seriously? 

Okay, I don’t want to sound completely callous here. I DO understand we are living in a multi-cultural society where English is not everyone’s first language. But if you are going to send me a message like this, I would prefer it if you would revert to your mother tongue. I do speak Afrikaans, as well as Spanish and French. I am sure I can figure it out. Failing which, I can always Google Translate, which is preferable to … Well, I’ll let you judge: 

 

'HEATER sorry to hear about the bad mails u go  2) sorry about my spelling cause i am afrikaans so my engels is not that good? but must say that u are a sexy girl but it doesn't help to say it to show u that u are? I feel when it gets to sex that the girl comes first if she reach her peek the i worry about me due have my reasons for that so for play is inportent to me' 

Dude. I think that after reading that, no amount of 'FOR PLAY' in the world is going to get me in the mood.

And even less, after this clanger from Jack in Hillcrest (Jack, if you are reading this, one comment: sweetie, you might not be HIM per se but an opening line like this has something in common with the individual you just mentioned: it killed ANY desire I had to take the conversation any further. I just got scared): 

"hi. My name is jack (not jack the ripper lol ) how are you today?

"

But then there are the little gems here and there. Paulie, even though you look like you got parted from your Hells Angels Crew somewhere between Beit Bridge and Cape Town and ended up in Magalieskruin spending your time alternately drinking Klippies and Coke, avoiding having your hair cut, or going to the dentist, I still love you for your sense of humour:

 

'love your comments and ideas ... he he he . some of the women pics are so scary that you get the impression that "it" will chew you up and spit you out like an old chappie!  he he he x x x'

x 

“A man's grammar, like Caesar's wife, should not only be pure, 

but above suspicion of impurity.” 

Edgar Allan Poe