I just want a gal to treat me like a crime scene

I feel a little bad. I have only been posting the train smashes, the horrors, the cringe-making messages I have received from guys on TSS.  And I really don't want to come across as a man basher.  So I thought it high time to share a couple of great profiles – ones literally had me laughing out loud – in a good way! 

Matt, 30 – without doubt one of the best profiles I have ever read:

Hopefully I stand out from the thousands of emails you have no doubt received and too save you time I’ve brought my profile to your inbox!
Reasons NOT to contact me:

1. I don't and have never owned a motorbike.

2. Your friends and family will probably like me more than you will. 


3. I've watched Mama Mia! 


4. I'm too honest. Perfect example I admit to watching Mama Mia! 


5. I may make you laugh so much that you pee in your pants and that's just embarrassing. 


6. My profile picture isn't a penis and I won't send you one unless you ask for one! Sorry that was supposed to be under the why you SHOULD get to know me category. O well it's said now I'm not taking it back. 



If you even got this far after my picture and you're still interested then let's chat!

(Yes. We have chatted.)

And then Wayne, 29 – short but to the point:

I just want a gal to treat me like a crime scene.

"For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. 

He who looks for it below there is wasting his time."

Isabel Allende