Why I started this blog

I never meant to start a blog about sex. I really didn’t.

I mean I am from a good family, a nice, upstanding, upper-middle class, well-respected Anglican family in southern Africa. And girls like us are supposed to be well behaved and have high morals and be married by my age, producing babies or taking care of our husbands and making the house (or houses) and garden beautiful …

I did start a blog on gardening once. But turned out it wasn’t that inspiring and certainly not inspiring enough for me to warrant taking pictures of it every day and post them on a blog … kinda boring actually - like watching paint dry … or flowers grow.

Lol … So that lasted all of two blog posts.

But I still adore reading blogs. My favourites include: DesignSponge, Desire To Inspire, Decor8, DayLab … when it existed and she was doing up her house – amazing!

Then there’s my daily dose of aesthetic pleasure (The Sartorialist), quirky ideas and general amazingness (Style Rookie), and humour (GoFugYourself). GoFugYourself is brilliant! Hysterically funny, sharp and so quick on the mark … totally amazing sense of the ridiculous and the humour is absolutely wicked … if and when I ever need some light relief, I go to GoFugYourself.

And I must admit, that I adored, adored, adored reading the blogs of Belle de Jour and Mimi in New York - before they got famous, that is, and really just wrote for themselves.

But a little while ago, I joined up to this site. An online hook-up website. Let’s call it “The Sexy Site” (am totally new to blogging too and am not sure about advertising and quotes and patenting rights and all that).

Now PLEASE don’t judge me or get too shocked … I never ever thought I would do it either, seriously! I mean I was always scornful of people who went online to meet people for dates or sex (ew!). I thought it was only gays who went online to find lovers / sex. And, honestly, I also always thought it was for losers who couldn’t go out there and get laid. Not so, I have since found out … SO not so!

And yes, I truly AM that new to all this. Green as a little emerald-coloured frog sitting on a lily pad!

I mean, when I joined up and had to complete my profile, I was having quite a bit of trouble in the “Interests” Section.

I thought that “water sports” were something like public games or sexy voyeuristic activities at a place like Water World or the beach. That is honest to God what the word “water sports” conjured up for me! And “dogging”. Surely that had something to do with the sexual position: “doggy style”?

Oh me, oh my! Blush, blush, blush! I looked it up and, in a word, NO!

So, yes, I am totally new to all of this.

And as I have just been through a huge personal trauma this year (don’t wanna talk about it ever), I have been doing as I always do when confronted with huge emotional stress, which is withdraw into myself.

But I have to have some kind of release for all the thoughts and musings and ideas and stuff going on inside me. And I SO cannot talk to any of my friends here in southern Africa about it. I mean most of them are married, with kids or very straight and narrow and upstanding … blah blah blah …

So I have no one to let it all out to (gay friends exempt but they’re far away and tetchy) and since I am also taking a sabbatical from the real world for the moment … I talk to as many or as few people as I choose every day and usually it’s the latter.

Which brings me to this blog: I so need to let it out to some one or thing because hooking up onto this new sexy site is pretty crazy! Don’t get me wrong! I am enjoying it a whole lot more than I expected (okay, I wasn’t expecting anything truth be told!) – notwithstanding the odd mind fuck here and there.

For example, my first:

Twenty-four hours into joining up I realized that, if I didn’t act immediately, I never would. So I hooked up with this really cute but normal looking guy who was based about 40 minutes away. He played it perfectly. Showed interest but wasn’t pushy and then, when I had read his profile and saw that he was married, I replied with a negative, and he was even cooler – charming and flirtatious but respectful of my decision.

Oh dear! Yes. I was already hooked … on a random hook up! I am SUCH a sucker / newbie to all this.

Long story short … we hooked up the next afternoon (even though I explicitly said “No married men” in my profile … Yes, my morals are on very shaky ground at the moment … only 24 hours into this NSA online sexy thing and I was already slipping! See why I have to write about this?). And, despite not having full-on sex (why? I hear you ask …. I’ll tell you the whole story another day … maybe), it was so easy and cool and so much fun!

Unfortunately (perhaps) I am a sentimental creature and, despite loads of offers from loads of guys, I had already grown rather attached to Mr. X (over 200 sms’s between us in less than a week!) and wanted him to pop my online / anonymous NSA / internet sex cherry.

Well, he teased me and strung me along for almost 2 weeks. Then, when he didn’t show for our next rendezvous (not even a text), I was furious!

Livid.

But rather than give him the satisfaction of a personal message or text, I posted over 2,000 words of what was on my mind in the Dating Diary section of my profile on The Sexy Site.

It felt good to vent in public … so the diary entries continued and then the compliments started. And a couple of guys asked for more frequent diary posts to read. No, not dates or sexy photos … but more diary posts!

Hmmm,  “double-edged sword” was the phrase dancing around in my head all night last night.

Because now way too many guys were starting to think that they knew me and what I wanted after reading my diary when all I wanted this to be was anonymous and easy and simple. Or, even worse, the guys I have been in contact with are either ignoring me (because I wrote about them … perhaps too honestly for their fragile egos) or they were turning into complete star fuckers and would say things to me or send me things not for the hell of it or to try and seduce me, but purely in the hope that I would write about it or quote them in my Diary … you know when you just know?

… So the double-edged sword was turning out to be manifold (if that’s possible – lol)!

Also (but don’t quote me on this one), I really don’t know if I have the energy to go through with this whole NSA sex thing / hooking up online for much longer. I mean, it’s hard work! I thought it would be a whole lot easier and way less effort to hook up online rather than go out, get wasted and randomly pick up some guy. But so far the amount of energy I have expended doing this is far outweighing what I’ve been getting back …

But then again, maybe if I spent less time writing in my diary and more time making things happen, that would not be the case! But I must admit, I am so enjoying writing about my little trysts online and potential meetings and / or new lovers …

And lastly, I was getting quite some fans. so I thought, why limit myself to guys who are looking for free, easy, NSA sex on The Sexy Site? I had already received one message from a guy who said: “Your diary entries are a waste of time. I bet you never have sex!”. Well, he wasn’t far wrong there … but what is this? Some sport or competition where I HAVE TO perform? No. But if I was going to continue posting these diary entries on the Sexy Site, I felt almost obliged to step up my game … but I am so not ready to do that as I am perfectly happy going at my own little pace. Thus, logical next step: start a blog, instead of sharing your musings only with sex-crazed southern African men. Let ALL the guys in the world, on the entire World Wide Web out there looking for free, easy, NSA sex read it?

;-)

Joke! Joke! This really is just a place to post my musings, not looking for hook-ups here!

I mean who the hell could I tell all these stories to? There’s no one who would not judge me, except my two best gay friends …  the sweethearts … I so miss them! But both of them are a little pissy with me at the moment – one in Geneva and the other in London (another story, another time)

So ‘fessing on my blog it is!

So hello happy new day and welcome new baby blog of mine! I do hope I enjoy writing to you as much as I did my Dating Diary.

And I hope that if anyone’s reading it out there, they enjoy it just as much!

x